Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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