It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
