I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
