I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
