She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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