I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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