i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
