I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
