I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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