32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
