It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize