sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
