so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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