i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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