Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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