STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
