We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize