my vag is so smooth its legendary
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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