I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish they made helmets for livers.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
