Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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