i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You are the jesus of drinking
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
