Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
