First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
