I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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