what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
