$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
