i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
