I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
