Your tits are I can't wait for
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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