It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
