If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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