Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
