This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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