Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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