you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
