im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
