Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
