How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
