That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
