wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
