i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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