Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
