Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
