p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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