I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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