if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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