Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You can't motorboat a personality
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
