Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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