if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
