woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
