went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
