Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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