i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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