Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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