I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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