In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
