At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
