Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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