And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
