I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize