I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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