what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
