So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
