Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
