you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
