i love accidental penises.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
