i permit you to call me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
