She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
